1-2. Mission to Magnus.

2 episodes. Approx. 117 minutes. Written by: Philip Martin. Directed by: Lisa Bowerman. Produced by: David Richardson. 


THE PLOT

Magnus is a world shaped by a virus that kills any male human exposed to sunlight, but leaves women unharmed. The result is a female-dominated society, ruled by the power-hungry Rana Zandusia (Maggie Steed). Her reign is under threat, however. The men of the neighboring world of Salvak have discovered a cure to the virus and intend to invade. Presumably not because of a shortage of women on their world, and probably not to rescue the handful of oppressed males native to Magnus, but just because a planet of women is too tempting to resist taking by force (in more ways than one, as I'll discuss below).

The Rana, who inexplicably is accepting advice by the Doctor's old enemy Sil (Nabil Shaban), intends to steal Time Lord technology to prevent the Salvakians from ever curing the virus. But an even greater threat has already infiltrated Magnus. The Ice Warriors are here, and they plan to use nukes (the clean kind, that don't have any radiation) to change Magnus' climate to make it cold. That's apparently much easier than simply conquering a planet that already is cold. 

The Doctor is the only one who can stand in their way - If he can stop cowering around his old school bully, that is...


CHARACTERS

The Doctor: The story is awful.  That said, Colin Baker is outstanding, and writer Philip Martin has given him a very strong role. No locking the Doctor in a cell for half a story here - He's active throughout, whether playing mind games with the telepathic Ulema (Tina Jones) or distracting an Ice Warrior to allow young Vion (William Townsend) to bring down an ice ceiling. When delving into his mind, Ulema describes his thoughts as "a swirl, a dance of delight!" We learn that the Doctor was bullied at the Prydonian Academy by the brutish but well-connected Anzor (Malcolm Rennie), and that he remains terrified of his schoolboy nemesis... Something which could have been used to good dramatic effect, if the script had an ounce of subtlety. Instead, the Doctor cowers behind the TARDIS console in their first scene together, then treats him like any other disliked authority figure in their remaining encounters. 

Peri: "I'm used to following alpha males," she quips when Vion tells her to follow him to the Rana's castle early in the story. Nicola Bryant's delivery emphasizes the sarcasm... but based on the actual story, she might as well be saying it in all sincerity. Even when rescuing Vion, every action she takes is at his direction. It would have taken less time, and would have strengthened Peri's role, had she freed him on her own initiative. She does get a decent scene in which she does some fast talking to forestall execution by an Ice Warrior, but this is an overall quite weak showing for her.

Sil: His role in Vengeance on Varos was so memorable, a genuinely well-written villain who was perfectly cast, that it was inevitable that he would make a return appearance. He did so the following season, in the Trial of a Timelord segment, Mindwarp. His role there was much weaker than in Varos - but it was still infinitely better than this, his originally intended second story. Sil is completely superfluous, neither helping nor hindering the Doctor's efforts, and it seems clear he was tacked onto the story to satisfy a brief. The good news is that Nabil Shaban makes as much of a meal of the role on audio as he did on television, recapturing Sil's oily speech patterns and inimitable laugh to perfection. At least it appears to have paved the way for Shaban to reprise the role in better stories in the future.

Ice Warriors: With Sil reduced to providing commentary on the sidelines, that should at least allow plenty of room for the Ice Warriors to make a triumphant return as genuinely formidable foes! Or not. In classic Season 22 fashion, the Ice Warriors aren't even seen until the end of the first episode - meaning that a full hour of this two-hour story is spent filling time with Rana's attempts to gain access to the TARDIS, something that's irrelevant to the actual plot. When the Ice Warriors do appear, they come across as complete bumblers, failing to kill the Doctor and his party so many times that it actually becomes quite funny. The finale witnesses the Ice Warriors literally falling over dead when the rays of the sun hit them (just as they're about to execute the heroes, of course). What next? Chase them off by lighting a match?


THOUGHTS

One thing about Big Finish's Lost Stories range: It makes me appreciate how little was lost when the original Season 23 was cancelled. The Nightmare Fair was an adequate but uninspired runaround, slightly enlivened by writer Graham Williams' wit and some strong performances. The Ultimate Evil was not adapted for audio, as terms could not be reached between Big Finish and writer Wally Daly, but I've seen/read very little to indicate it would have been anything other than poor. Mission to Magnus is even worse, a hodgepog of half-baked ideas (mostly bad ones) thrown clumsily into the same set of episodes with no visible effort given to making them actually work together. Say what you will about Trial - nothing in it was anywhere near as bad as this!

I barely know where to begin in cataloging the ways in which the story fails. Had it been produced, it would likely be regarded as the Spock's Brain of Doctor Who - complete with sexual politics that already seemed dated in the 1960's being put front-and-center in a mid-1980's story! The ending is even roughly the same, as the women of Magnus are told point-blank that they are going to be forced into marriages they show absolutely no sign of wanting. "You'll enjoy the mingling of the sexes," Ishka (Nicholas Briggs) leers - and the situation is treated by all as basically a grand joke.

I could look past the ludicrous sexism and even the poor plot construction if the story was at least fun to listen to. The first half almost meets this standard. By any critical measure, it's a horrible, cliched, cheese-fest, but for the first episode it's a passably diverting horrible, cliched, cheese-fest.

Once the Ice Warriors lumber into view, however, it descends into scene after scene of running around corridors, with the Ice Warriors constantly repeating that they will execute everyone on sight only to take the Doctor's party prisoner every time they encounter them. The Ice Warriors plan is to set off a big bomb. The Doctor's plan to correct the damage? You guessed it - Set off a big bomb (well, a series of bombs). There's no spark or imagination to any of it, and it just lumbers along for an hour until the appalling "funny rape" ending at least has the courtesy to bring it to a close.

I will say that Big Finish's production standards remain outstanding. Simon Robinson's music and sound design really enforces the feel of mid-'80's Who, and it's easy to visualize even the most action-heavy parts of the narrative. It's very well-made, and Colin Baker, Nicola Bryant, and Nabil Shaban are all on fine form.

It's just a shame it's all wasted on such a pathetic story, one that had it been produced would almost certainly be a regular feature on lists of the series' all-time worst.


Overall Rating: 1/10.

Previous Story: The Nightmare Fair
Next Story: Leviathan


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